It’s Not You It’s Me

The door was locked and the only thing she needed was behind it. She rummaged through her purse looking for his room key one more time. Frustrated, she dumped the contents of her purse on the floor of his living room, old receipts, a tube a ruby red lipstick, change, a compact. The eclectic contents of her purse scattered wildly around her, still no key. She hated how he felt the need to lock his damn bedroom door. She left her mess and flipped over couch cushions, searched under end tables and on top of door frames. I know he keeps an extra key around here somewhere. She thought getting into the house would be the hard part. But in ten minutes she had shimmied up the back deck to the second story entrance off the kitchen that was rarely locked. Suddenly she heard a car door shut and the sound of Brian’s voice carry through the window.
“I miss you too mom,” he said as he fumbled his key into the lock.
He can’t find me here! Jessica quickly threw her stuff back into her purse and darted into one of the living room closet. What the hell was I thinking?! Now she was stuck in the dark cramped closet with God knows what other creatures. Her ex-boyfriend and his four roommates were not the tidiest group to say the least. Jessica would spend hours washing dishes and scraping crud out of the microwave when she and Brian where still together. She missed it. She missed everything about him, even though Brooke told her not to.
“Jess!” seriously listen to me. “It’s over,” Brooke paused. We had been talking my ex-boyfriend Brian for hours now. I could feel the hot tears, rolling down my cheeks. Brian and I had broken up yesterday.
“Oh hun, come here,” Brooke scooted closer to me on the couch and wrapped her arms around me. I don’t know what I would do without her, she was perfect. From her perfect blonde waves, to her flawless completion, to her insane knowledge of boys. Jess couldn’t even remember a time when Brooke had been broken up with. She was always the heart breaker; she had boys drooling over her constantly. If she broke up with one she had reeled in another one by the end of the week. Brooke did whatever it took to get the boy she wanted. That was the only thing Jess had ever even thought wasn’t absolutely perfect about her. But hell, who cared, she was still that perfect girl that everyone wanted to be or be with. Since Brian and I had broken up she was the only human contact Jess had unless her Alanis Morsett CDs counted. Every day that week Brooke had showed up with ice cream, magazines, or new shoes. Somehow, Brooke new the perfect ways to cure a break up.
“I promise I’ll make it home soon, things have just been crazy lately.” Brian’s voice startled Jessica and she strained trying to hear what he was saying. He must be on the phone with his mom again. That woman was constantly calling him. Brain walked past the living room closet that was doubling as Jessica’s hide out, his room key in hand he opened the door effortlessly. That is how easy it was supposed to be for me!
Jessica’s eyes had been straining to see Brian’s flawless body since he had come in. His dirty blonde hair was tousled and damp with sweat. His white cutoff shirt was old and worn. One side was even tied in a knot where the line piece of fabric that held it together finally gave out. He must have just finished his Wednesday workout. Jessica hated his Monday, Wednesday, and Friday routine, even though she couldn’t argue with the results. His alarm would blare at 9 o’clock in the morning reminding Jessica that she was about to lose him to the gym for the rest of the day.
“I have another call I have to get Mom, I’ll call you later.” Brian’s voice startled her. With all of her daydreaming she had forgotten that at the she was a hostage to emotions, in a cramped musty old closet.
“Hey baby girl,” Brian’s voice rang in her ears. His words were like a broken record that she couldn’t get out of her head.
Could this be the space he needed? When Brian had broken up with Jess he seemed like he really wanted to get back together, or maybe he was just that good. She was starting to wonder.
“I know isn’t it nice to be able to see me whenever you want now baby girl,” Brian’s voice rang in Jess’s ears.
She used to be his baby girl. “Jess, baby girl stop crying. Pleaseee,” she remembered him begging. They were sitting in her living room. “It’s not you. I promise, I’m just busy right now. School just started. I have a house with the guys. I just need to get my shit straight babe. That way I can be better for you.” Be better for me my ass Jess thought. They had talked about the break and Brian had agreed on not to talk to any other girls, let alone date them, he promised. And now not even a week later he had another baby girl. The last text he sent to her is what confused her the most. He had decided that they shouldn’t talk for a while so that the break would work. She had read that text a million times. Some just to say “hi” others were “I miss you”. The only one that he had answered was the one that read “I’m sorry about whatever I did to make u need ur space. Plz can we talk”
All he said was “Jess remember this is for us k. it’s not ur fault. I just need a lil space so I think that we shouldn’t talk for a while… k?” she played the text conversation back in her head. Not wanting to cause problems she agreed, and that was what made her write that damn letter in the first place.
She had tucked in his underwear drawer yesterday when she had come to get her stuff. Jessica could hardly wait for the phone call when he open it up and read her true feelings. Do you remember the time we went to that park that over looked the city? The letter read. And how we spend all day there. It was the first time that you told me you loved me. I can’t live without you Brian. I just know I can’t. I know this break is for us but I miss everything about you. There were even some smudges from where Jessica’s tears had fallen on the letter. She almost rewrote it but she decided that they made it look sincere and heartfelt.
She didn’t have time to reminisce. She could faintly heard Brian come back into his room and plop of his creaky old mattress. She had to find out who the mystery girl on the phone was. She strained to hear the muted voice in the other room but couldn’t quite make out words that he was saying to his ‘baby girl’. She was supposed to be his baby girl. I bet he is feeding her the same corny lines that made me fall for him when we first met.
Jessica reached for the handle and slowly pushed the closet door open just a bit hoping to catch more of Brian’s conversation. CREAAKKK, the old door groaned as if to protest its involvement in her crazy scheme. It felt like someone had hit her in the chest with a baseball bat. She couldn’t breathe and she was sure that if he would listen he could hear her heart from his room. Brian’s voice was quiet for a minute and then it started up again.
“The doors unlocked come on in,” he said.
More carefully Jessica peaked out into the room. Brian had dropped his workout bag in the living room, just outside his bedroom door. Since her nook was directly across from Brian’s bedroom door she could see part of his room. His faded black area rug was sprinkled with clothes and books. There was a mirror on the back wall and if Jessica twisted her body just right she could catch Brain’s reflection in it. Her heart hurt. She never knew that having a broken heart could physically hurt.
She closed her eyes and laid her head back. She had to think of a way to get out of here with the letter but without Brian seeing her. There was no way he would take her back if she he found her hiding in his house because she broke in. She sounded crazy. “Bry!” she heard a high pitched voice yell his name. She shot up in the closet, bumping her head.
Oops! I hope no one heard that she thought was she rubbed her head.
“Yeah, I know it took forever! I missed you too, baby.” It was that damn voice again but this time it was coming from his room. She knew that she had heard that voice before. Carefully twisting her body again she glanced out the crack in the door. Her black heels and mini skirt practically had Brian drooling in the door way. Her wavy blonde hair was swept up in a perfect ponytail. What?? Jess was confused. There was no reason for Brooke to be hanging out with Brain. And there was no way in hell she could justify her best friend calling the love of her life “baby”.
What a bitch! I can’t believe that the same girl that was chowing down on Ben and Jerry’s and giving me relationship advice is screwing MY man! Jessica clenched her fists. I should kick her ass.
“Come here,” Brain said pulling her close. Seeing her best friend and boyfriend kiss made Jessica’s heart stop. Her stomach flip flopped. This was his space, his baby girl.
Brooke pulled away. “If you don’t tell Jessica I will,” she said.“We can’t keep this a secret forever. Maybe she will understand if she hears it from you.”
“We just talked about it on the phone before you got here baby, I will figure something out. Promise. You know what, I know this park that overlooks the city, we should go there. You deserve some Bry time,” He said wrapping his arm around her waist winking at her. Jessica listened to the footsteps become quieter and quieter. She sat there even after she heard the car start and pull out of the drive way.
I can’t believe that he is taking that slut to OUR park, Jessica thought. “Oh Bry! This park is so beautiful” Jessica imagined Brooke flirting shamelessly with Brian.
“Not as beautiful as you, baby girl, ” Brian said using the same tired lines he had used on Jessica when he took her there. “Let’s see if we can get closer to the overlook for a better view.” Brian and Jessica crept down the steep hill that over looked the city. Just then one of Brooke’s stripper heels got caught in the mud and sent her tumbling down the hill and over the edge.
“I’ll save you, baby girl!” Brian said flinging himself over the edge to save her. Jess chuckled at her day dream. When she started this crazy scheme all she wanted to do was bring things back to the way they used to be. Back to the happy days before they started fighting all the time and all the passion was gone. Back to before Brooke. She realized it was too late now.
Her whole body throbbed. She kicked the closet door and watched it as it smashed against the wall. “I don’t give a shit if anyone finds me,” she said out loud. She went straight to his top drawer and pulled out her precious letter. “You don’t deserve this douche bag,” she said out loud. She pulled up his computer chair and set her purse on his bed. She pulled out a tube of ruby red lipstick and jerked off the cap. She climbed up on the chair and started writing on the wall. When she was done she stood back and admired her handy work. She scooped up her purse and headed down the stairs. The only thing she regretted was not being able to see his face when he read his wall that said, “YOU’RE RIGHT, IT’S NOT ME IT’S YOU.”