Mother like Daughter

Mother Like Daughter
I never realized how independent I was until I started dating a guy named Clyde. I found myself in a serous situation trying to change the type of person that I was and that I have been for years since my mother had passed. But realizing that I had a good man on my side, that never knew my personal issues and always tried helping me out when I am in need for help. But so that I am a very independent woman it is hard for me to receive anything from anyone. But see that’s the whole problem here, Clyde makes this a very big issue in our relationship. So that I do care and love him dearly I feel the best thing to do is explain to him what I once went through that makes me this way. Then maybe we would have some type of understanding and our relationship would be a little better than it already is.
“Heaven… Sweetie, what is the problem with you? I realized since we have been together I have tried and tried to help you out when you get in financial debt problems.
“Clyde I just… I don’t know.”
“I think that you do know what the problem is, but just don’t know how to get it off of your chest. I think that you have a chip on your shoulder and need to sit down and talk about it. I am your man, been your man now for nine months and a half. I feel that it is my responsibility to look out for you when you are in need, and not only when you’re in need. But when I’m willing to help you out I should be able to, without you not wanting to accept anything from me. I love you and everything about you, so let’s talk, and let me know how you are feeling and what’s going on, or at least tell me if there is something in your past that makes you this way.”
The two of them were standing in Heaven’s living room, next to the fire place. “It’s really nothing that important Clyde; I am 25 years old and am just a very independent woman that can hold up my own, regardless of what the situation is. I never look for anyone to hold out a gifting hand for me, because that is something that I never had before. Mainly, after dealing with the situation five years ago with my mother Belinda and my little sister Goddess; we once fell down but got back up. But it was a struggle for us all, mainly for me and Goddess”
Clyde and Heaven stood in the middle of her lovely cherry wood floors in her living room. Holding hands and staring one another into their brown compelling eyes. “Ok…Come over here baby. I want you to sit down on this coach, relax, and talk to me. Tell me the struggle you once experienced, because I will work with you and make you a changed woman. Maybe I can make you feel better about what happened in the past, and we move forward as one together. Talk to me Heaven.”


My father never was around just because he was a dead beat; he missed out on all the good things in life when it came to me and Goddess. I guess he thought my mother just wasn’t good enough for him. My mother said he cheated on her several times throughout their relationship. Once she had Goddess he continued on with his same old bull shit. My mother moved on with her life, which he gave five fucks about. My mother raised us all on her own, and did a great job because Goddess and I both are two beautiful women who are strong just like our mother. We never had all the things that we wanted. My mother made sure we had what it was that we needed the most. Goddess and I had always shared rooms because my mom couldn’t afford a three bedroom apartment, only two at the most and she struggled trying to keep a roof over our heads. My mom was an employee at Jergens Lotion Company, where she had got laid off several times when work slowed down.
“But Clyde my mother always made a way.”
At the time Goddess was only 14 years old and I was 18 soon going on 19. Since I was the oldest I held up most of the responsibility during this point of time, mainly that I had a little part time job working at McDonalds and still was in school. No family was around. Everyone had moved back down south where my mom and her brothers and sisters are from. Mom just had some wealthy friends, well better I say associates; because my mother didn’t really comment her self to anyone as being their friend. She was fucked over so many times by different people and being the good person that she is she trust people too quick. After so many experiences with several people she dealt with, she eventually decided to just associate with people and keep her distance from a far. My mom had started missing lots of days of work. I didn’t know why and never attempted to question my mother about anything because I knew there was a reason for everything that my mother had done, mainly when she was missing days of work. Every morning I got Goddess together for school. We both had to be at school at the same time and out at the same time which was good for the both of us. One afternoon after school Goddess and I walked through the door and saw our mother lying on the floor crying.
“Mom, Mom, Mom. What’s wrong are you ok, are you ok?” I said, with tears in my eyes.
Mom looked terrible. Face was as red as a apple, and she was holding her stomach with her pale hands. “No Heaven… Call 911. Right now. Hurry!”
“Goddess stay here, don’t you move. Stay right next to her. I will be right back.”
We didn’t have a house phone because it had got cut off because mom hadn’t been to work to get any bills paid. So I rushed next door to the neighbors’ house to use the phone and called 911. When I ran back to the house my mom’s skin looked like snake skin. Her eyes were as puffy as an air balloon with dark circles around them, and she kept saying that she could hardly see. She felt as if she was going blind. I was afraid, and I had to be strong and keep Goddess calm and positive about everything. The ambulance arrived. They took my mother’s blood pressure it was extremely high, and by the looks of her face they rushed her to the hospital. Me and Goddess came along. We had no other choice. The nurse came into the room saw my mother and they admitted her right away.
“Mamm, excuse me. Can you tell me what the problem with my mother is? Why are you all keeping her?” I said, crying my heart out, afraid, more than anything.
“Young lady please calm down. We are not sure what is wrong with your mother; this is why we are admitting her. As of right now her blood pressure is too high we will admit her and run test’s as soon as we can,” the nurse explained, rapping her arm around my shoulders.
All I kept thinking was that I was going to lose my mother. Goddess had to go to school the next morning, so we didn’t sleep over at the hospital. I had a couple of dollars in my purse so we got the metro home. All I could think was my mother wasn’t going to make it and was going to leave me and Goddess behind. Where were me and Goddess going to end up? I didn’t know, I was stunned and afraid. When Goddess and I walked through the door, I went to hit the light switch and it wouldn’t turn on, and the food in the refrigerator was spoiled. Good thing we had several candles around the house. I had to light some candles till the next morning. I decided to let Goddess stay with me and we both missed school and of course I had to miss another day of work. We went up to the hospital the next day to see our mother and before walking out the door I saw that the landlord had slipped an eviction notice up under our door, giving my mom a heads up that she was a month behind on rent so she had to be out in two weeks. I left the paper on the floor and headed up to the hospital. Goddess was hungry. I was, too, but, I only had so much money, and I had to stretch it. My little sister came first at all times. We stopped by the nearest restaurant and got Goddess something to eat.
When Goddess and I got to the hospital they had moved my mother to the ICU. They said that she was doing a little worse than she was when she first arrived. I walked into the room where three of her friends were, Ms. Lavern and Mr. and Mrs. Phillips. I don’t know how they found out about my mother being there, nor were I really concerned because that was the last thing on my mind. My mother looked terrible. She was hooked to all types of machines, tubes down her throat, IV’s in her arms, the side of her neck, and oxygen in her nose I guess to help her breathe since she wasn’t doing it on her own.
I grabbed my mother’s hand and rubbed them softly to see if she could possible wake up and talk to me just for a few seconds and she did.
“Hi mom,” I said kissing her on her check. She smiled softly.
“Hi Heaven baby, I miss you and Goddess both. I am feeling so terrible. Feel even worse when I realize I am in this place and have to be away from my babies.”
“Yeah Mom I understand. But when you get well we will be perfectly fine and back to the way we were before.”
“Ha. Yeah you got that right. I want you both to behave and be respectful to Mrs.Phillips. I want you to be strong for me regardless of what the situation turns out to be. Positive actions and thinkers is the key to life and that’s what I want to do and be. Make sure Goddess have a understanding of everything and tell her keep the grades up in school, and that I understand she doesn’t want to see her mother this way.”
I was a lilt afraid but I knew that my mother would only want to see the best and know that I was going to be all right. I knew letting her see me down and crying will only make her more worried and weaker about everything so I held up pretty good.
“Hello Girls!” Said Mrs. Phillips hugging me and Goddess. Your mother gave me a call last night when they admitted her into the hospital, after you two left. I will be taking you two home with me until your mother get better and get settled. I will not see you two out on the streets.”
“Yes! Thank God. I am so glad that you showed up. I didn’t think anyone would have found out are shown up.”
“Well your mother was already aware of all that, from what she told me last night. She has been sick for several days now just was afraid of the outcome and didn’t want to have you worried about her so she stayed home and didn’t want to go to the hospital. Then all of a sudden early this morning she turned for the worse, and they still have not found out what is wrong with her. Tests are still in progress.”
Mrs. Phillips was this very wealthy friend of my mom’s. There were times she tried helping my mother out, but my mom being the person that she was she always held her own. That was the first time I knew for her to ever call her friend for anything, which told me something wasn’t right. I then knew and had funny feelings mainly after seeing my mother laying in that bed looking the way she did. Mrs. Phillips didn’t have any children of her own. It was just her and her husband living in a very big nice house, a glass house at that. It felt like my life was golden when we moved with them. The house was too big for just two people to live in. She had a maid and everything. I mean it was lovely, I never knew are seen anything like it except for on the cribs television show. But so that I was old enough to make my own decisions, I decided to just work and to not attend school. My whole focus was to work full time and save up some money, take care of Goddess, and make sure she attended school every day.
Mrs. Phillips was very nice to me and my sister; she knew what type of situation we were in and just let me go with what I had to do, and at the time working and taking care of Goddess was important to me. Every day, for six months straight it was the same routine. I got up took Goddess to the bus stop, and I headed to work, worked eight hours a day, got Goddess off of the school bus, made sure Goddess ate dinner and finished any homework that needed to be done, and we headed to the hospital to see our mother. She was still sick and trying to get well. This was a lot on me but I guess it just was a part of my mother that was inside of me. I knew that God wouldn’t put too much on me that I couldn’t bare. He was the angel beside me that gave me the strength and the positive power to get through all this the way that I did. Thank God for the extra help from Mrs. Phillips to give us a place to lay our heads.
After Six months being the mother and sister to Goddess and praying for my mother, one evening I went to the hospital alone. I left Goddess back at the house to do some studying and things like that. She wasn’t really able to handle seeing our mother like that anyway. Most of the time she waited in the waiting area. I walked into the ICU room that my mother had been in for six months. They had her in the room for such long time because they had to keep a close eye on her heart rate and blood pressure and things of that nature and she still really wasn’t breathing on her own. I realized that my mother’s eyes were open, and was on one less machine which made me happy.
“Hi Baby! I am so happy to see you,” My mother said, with a dry mouth, and a cracking voice.
“Hello mom, I am so happy to see that you are off one machine. Just want to let you know I have been handling things to the best of my ability. Goddess is still doing great in school. Mrs. Phillips been very nice. I don’t ask her for anything but she always offers. We miss you and love you so much; we want you to get better so that we can all be back together again. In the house playing cards, watching our favorite TV shows together, and the most important eating your wonderful cooking”
“I’m trying…Stay strong baby. Mommy will look over you two, I’m tired Heaven. The doctors finally figured out that I have a blood disorder disease called Lupus. I kept having different reactions to different medications and really haven’t made too much progress to do anything on my own so that’s why I been in ICU the whole time. It bothers people in many different ways like your bones, skin, and our immune system is as low as a new born baby. I sat around too long which caused it to trigger and also stress is what caused mine to trigger and they couldn’t…”
My mother’s eyes then shut. With all the machines beeping loud, heart rate dropped, thousand of doctors charging into her room. I felt it coming; I knew my mother was going to leave me and Goddess behind. My mother was tired. It felt wonderful to have those last words with my mother. I walked out of the room with calm intentions. Didn’t know how I was going to explain this to Goddess. We did a lot with our mother. She loved us like no one else would. She was my best friend, soul sister, and my mother.
Sitting in Heaven’s living room, Heaven sheds tears on Clyde’s shoulders. While Clyde holds and comforts her and kisses her on her forehead. “Clyde, I went from there. I had to be strong and continue on with my life. But receiving anything from anyone wasn’t never available for me, and that was what turned me out to be more and more like my mother, an independent woman. I kept my job, kept Goddess in school; she’ll be now entering college at College of Mount St. Joseph for Nursing. I’m so proud of her! I got a low budget apartment that went by my income; Goddess and I were back on track with our lives. We still keep in touch with Mrs. Phillips. She was a very big help and support group for us two. She helped furnish our place, and still helped me support Goddess in college. Here I am today nice apartment, nice car, and of course a wonderful job working for P&G.”
“Well… Baby I understand your pain and the struggle you went through. But remember Heaven… We are in this together. I am here for you, and I see why you are such a independent women which is a good thing. But never be afraid to receive help from someone that is willing to help you. I love you Heaven!”
“I love you too Clyde, and really appreciate your support. This is something I am just used to doing things all on my own, you know. Not having any family around to call on, no support system period. You will probably be this way also. Thank God for sending Mrs. Phillips to me and my sister, and giving us a place to eat and sleep! Baby this just the way I am, and I will try to overcome being this way just for you.”
“No problem, I just want you to get out the shell thinking you’re on your own with no one by your side, because I’m here and I am going to always be by your side. So take my hand and let’s ride down to the park and chill and relax in the shade,” Clyde, said sweetly kissing me on my forehead.
I then knew that change had to be made, and from the time Clyde and I had a wonderful talk I have changed. I have opened up a lot more and become a better person and it made Clyde happy also overall. I have come to realize that a helping hand is not too bad to receive. Our relationship has gotten so much better and I love Clyde with all my heart!