Orphan Sasha by Tiaira Smith

Tiaira Smith
10/29/08
Orphan Sasha
We all looked very nice in our sun dresses and sandals of all colors. The “Big Day”, (the annual adoption day) was approaching us in a couple hours. I really didn’t like this day because I knew I would never get adopted. Inez keeps telling me to have hope and I will get adopted some day. We decorated the orphanage so beautifully with bright colors. The tables and chairs were arranged so each family could get one on one time with each orphan. There was lots of food. Good food at that, and we could get however much we liked. Maybe I was being too greedy but when an opportunity like this was given to me I had to take full advantage of it. There was plenty of interaction going on between us and the adopters. When I talked to my ideal family I was stuffing down my throat and talking to them with a mouth full of food. Maybe they thought this was rude of me. Maybe this is why they didn’t choose me.
Ms.Cruellena is always in a bad mood. She didn’t like us. Any of us. She had no husband, no children, and I guess she didn’t have any other family. No one ever came to visit her. Her family probably knew the type of person she was, so they didn’t come around her. I wish I could do the same thing. She has a skin disease in which she had big pink bumps that would appear on her face at anytime. She is so big. She always looks like she could bust at any minute. When she looked at you it seem like she was looking at everything else but you. I hate her. She is blacker than tar. The saying “the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice” didn’t provide any justice for her either. The other ugly detail I have to mention is her teeth are yellow when I first met her but now they are also stained with brown spots. She is just plain ugly.
“Girls it’s time for dinner. It’s five. You all know the routine, eat then sleep by 6.” She said.
“Yes, Ms.Cruellena,” we said in unison
“Don’t spill anything or you will scrub the floors with toothbrushes.” she said.
“Yes ma’am,” we replied in unison.
I always try to eat the food quickly so the taste wouldn’t spoil my appetite, or I would give it to Inez. It is so small in the food headquarters where we ate. The walls are black and the tables and chairs are black. She said we didn’t deserve colors when we asked her could we paint the walls with bright colors. I could barely breath in their especially when I had to sit next to Wendy who had a real foul odor. I talked to Inez the most. We had been in this home together for two years. I trusted her with my deepest secrets. She had dreams her mom would come back to get her. I knew my dad wasn’t coming back, and I wasn’t going to sit around and wait on him. It was pointless, no reason to sell myself any false dreams. Inez is very pretty. She’s the prettiest girl in our home. She has long silky hair, nice caramel skin. She’s very sweet and humble. I didn’t understand why no one had adopted her yet. There were other girls in the home as well; we were all special in our own ways. Megan was raped by her dad and her mother chose to defend her man instead of her daughter which resulted in her being in the orphan with us. Honesty parents were both killed in a car accident on their way to pick her up from school. Shannon’s mother was addicted to heroine. All she talked about was boys, she was obsessed with boys. She never discussed her family. So we all had different backgrounds but we shared one thing in common. We all wanted a family.
Dear Diary:
I really miss my parents. I love how my dad. He use to take me to the store and let me get whatever I wanted. He would take me to the park and let me play until my body wouldn’t allow any more movement. We spend so much time together. He was my best friend. I was daddy’s little girl. I loved when he called me that. We were inseparable until one day he decided to try crack, and this drug sent me on a journey of life and an emotional roller coaster I will never forget. He began to scream at me all the time for no reason, or leave me in the house for hours with no food. I didn’t tell anyone because I loved my daddy and I knew he could treat me better but the drugs were taking over his mind and body. My dad had a good heart, that’s why it causes me so much pain when I think back on how he abandoned me when he knew I had no one else to go to. Whenever I feel down I write to you to ease my mind but I’ll write to you later, Ms Cruellena is coming and I can’t get caught or I’ll have to sleep in the “chamber”.
We did the same thing every single day. We basically ate breakfast and dinner, did an hour of Ms Cruellena’s home school in which she taught us manners and basic reading and writing skills. We cleaned the house and went to sleep. Sometimes we had movie or game night, but that opportunity was very rare. All the girls got along at the house but I guess everyone had been in the system long enough to know that there was no reason to get really attached to anyone because at any second they could be snatched away. Even though we were like family, I still wanted my own family. A real family.
“Inez, have you ever thought about running away from this place.” I asked.
“Of course I have but then I come to my senses and realize I have no where to go. Where will I go Sasha?” she said.
“Well any where away from here would be better to me, I’d rather be homeless then live under these conditions. Ms.Cruellena doesn’t care about us” I said.
“I know she doesn’t. You know she can hear a pin drop with those big ears you better lower your voice before you get sent to the chamber. Besides the big day is coming up, maybe you will get adopted this time.” She said.
“Don’t sell me any false dreams. I’m living in reality, and reality is I’m never going to get adopted. No matter how bad I want to it’s beginning to seem unlikely to happen. I feel like the slaves who died slaves and were never freed of bondage.” I said.
“There you go with that foolish talk. You have to think positive Sasha. There is no point of dwelling on the negative.” We are all orphans who desire to have a family. Everyone else has accepted it. Now you have to accept you are a orphan Sasha. Make the best of it, like the rest of us are trying to do.
This particular night I tried to be positive. I thought about me having good health, and I was grateful to have a friend like Inez.
Dear Diary:
I don’t remember much about my mother, but I do remember how sweet and humble she was. She was very soft spoken. She always told me I could do whatever I put my mind to. I know my life would be much better if she were here. I would have everything I needed and wanted. She probably would have given me a big sweet sixteen birthday full of friends I would have made at school or in our neighborhood. I wonder if I could escape out of here and really get away with it. I want to go find me a family who accepts me for who I am and loves me unconditionally. I want a older brother who would look after me and protect me if something happens to me. I want sister a little older than me who I could talk to about anything and I could listen to her secrets. We could share each others clothes and go to the mall and to the movies. It’s been so long since I’ve went to the mall. I’m going to start planning my runaway but I don’t know if I should do it before or after the Big Day because if I do it before the Big Day I will always wonder if I was going to get adopted on that day. Another thing that scares me is if I get caught Ms. Cruellena will treat me much worse than she treats me now and I
The “Big Day” is two days away. This means extra cleaning. Extra cleaning to Ms.Cruellena is like Spring Cleaning but tripled. As I mentioned before she is never in a good mood except for this day. She was nicer then someone’s grandmother on Christmas. She smiled from ear to ear and told us the day before to never discuss what goes on in “our home”. She dressed us all up in nice clothes we were never able to wear but on this day. She called us precious, sweetie, and baby girl instead of her regular stupid, idiot, or little assholes. If Ms.Cruellena was nice like she was on the “Big Day” everyday it would make my stay there much smoother.
Dear Diary:
I hope after this day I will no longer have to write to you of my troubles. Or maybe I’ll continue to write to you but it will be of happy things. I want to be happy and get adopted into a happy family. I wish my mother was alive. I wonder if my dad could ever go to rehab and get his life together and come get me out of this place. If I don’t get adopted what will happen to me in when I turn 18? Where will I go? At least I will be out of here, but I won’t have anyone to go to. I hope God makes away for me. I really do. Hold on…
“What the hell are you doing little asshole?” Ms Cruellena said.
“Nothing” I said as I turned the flashlight off and put the torn notebook under my hard flat pillow and lifted my head from under the cover.
“You’re doing something. You better not be writing in that journal. I told you no journals in my orphanage. You don’t have time to write your feelings down.” She said.
She couldn’t fit in between out beds because they were so close together and she’s too big. She couldn’t fit between them, and we could barely fit on them. All of our feet’s hang off the bed and we barely had room to roll over. I felt like I was sleeping in a baby’s crib every night. Now my sleeping conditions are going to be worse I thought as I was being carried to the chamber.
“You’re hurting me Ms Cruellena”, I said as she was squeezing my arm so tight I couldn’t feel any circulation in my arms.
“That’s what happens when you disobey me”, she says as she throws me in the “Chamber”
Now I don’t know what will happen to my future. It’s the day before the “Big Day” and I am stuck in the chamber full of spider webs in the corners. It smells like dogs, cats, pigs, and horses in here. It’s just a mixture of things and I can’t bare to be in here. It’s so small. I can’t lie down; all I can do is sit Indian style in the dark hoping she will remember to come get me out of here. It’s cold as the North Pole and I don’t have a blanket. What if she doesn’t let me out before the adopters get here? Well if she doesn’t I’ll be running away from here the day she does chose to let me out of here. As I shiver I bang and kick on the door hoping she will come outside to this shed let me out. She never comes.
Inez eventually comes to rescue me from the chamber. She waited till Ms. Cruellena was snoring so loud that we could hear her in our sleeping headquarters. I know she will get beat if she finds out. I’ll just act like I broke out of here or something.
“Ok my precious angels they’ll be here any second now. You all know what to do and what to say. Don’t embarrass me or you’ll pay later.” She said.
“Yes, Ms.Cruella we won’t.” we said in unison.
Everything was going well until the family I chose to adopt me, chose to adopt Inez. They were a family of five. A mother a father two twin 11 year old girls and a 5 year old son. They were younger than me but I didn’t care they seemed like they had good hearts. So I wanted them to adopt me. A rush of envy had taken control of my heart. I tried to stop it but I couldn’t. I was suppose to be happy for my friend, but I wasn’t. Her humbleness paid off in the long run. I guess I was too negative like she said. I couldn’t believe she was getting adopted. Her dreams became a reality! Our 7th “Big Day” together finally ended with a different resolution. This night it wouldn’t be both of us crying because we were sold false dreams. It would only be me. Inez would no longer feel the wrath of Ms.Cruellena. I still had to feel her wrath because no one felt pity for me even though my father left me on the doorstep of an abandoned building.